A Letter to My Mom

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“Her children rise up and call her blessed.” Proverbs 31:28

Mom,

Having a mother like you is one of the greatest gifts a child can be given. For me, I had an advantage over the other kids growing up because you instilled in me what faith, strength and love was all about. You encouraged me to go after things that seemed impossible, things other people laughed at or made fun of me about. My confidence grew because of you and I believed the things you encouraged to be true. And they were.  Thank you for giving me courage, being my safe place and for loving me when I wasn’t the most lovable.

Having your support in my life when things seemed impossible helped me push on in the earlier years. It didn’t matter if it was the taunting from cruel kids because of my size, to what clothing I wore, or being poked fun of because of the extracurricular activities I chose. You were always my backup. You equipped me with the armor I needed to defend myself and reassured me that I was beautiful just the way I was. Because of that, I can do that for my girls when they come home in tears. I speak the same words of encouragement to them; I love them the way you loved me. Thank you.

The thankless jobs you did for me, things I just thought a mom did. Looking back I realize you went above and beyond what most moms do. Besides a home cooked every night around a dinner table; you worked extra hours so I could participate in showcases; you hand made my awesome Easter bonnets and Halloween costumes ( so I’d have a leg up on winning that contest…maybe that’s where my competitiveness comes from?) Thank you for that.

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Then there were the things you wouldn’t let me do, that I just could never understand. How come I couldn’t cross the street to go to Jeanae’s house? I never understood why I had to be in the house when the street lights came on or why you wouldn’t let me cruise the mall for hours with my girlfriends. When all of my friends were taking the bus to the beach, I would get mad because I couldn’t go. I didn’t see the dangers the way you did. I couldn’t see that there was an evil world out there and all you wanted to do was keep me safe. Now, I hear myself saying the same things to my kids that you said to me. That old cliché, I’m turning into my mother is true. And what an honor. Thank you for keeping me out of harm’s way.

Having you in my life when my journey of motherhood began was a life saver. If there was an instruction manual on how to support a daughter during that time, it would be a complete description of you.

Thank you for bringing me a baby gift set when I first told you that I was pregnant. That made all of the difference.

Thank you for holding me and supporting me when we found out something was wrong with our baby girl.

Thank you for sitting with me for hours and hours, week after week at doctors appointments. Rearranging your life was not easy, but you never missed a single appointment.

Thank you for remembering and supporting Jim during this heart wrenching time. You always acknowledged his feelings and took him into consideration. So often, people forget that the daddy is going through it too.

Thank you for being there the day we had to say goodbye to Machaela. You supported us, helped us make funeral arrangements, gave me space when I needed it and hugged me when I was so raw with grief and couldn’t bear it any longer.

Saying good bye is never easy.

Saying good bye is never easy.

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Thank you for giving me hope when I did not have any. For reassuring me that God was control and that if it is His plan that I became a mother again, I would. Even if I didn’t believe it to be true. Thank you for telling me that this loss wasn’t my fault even when I blamed myself. I just didn’t understand why God would give me a baby and then take it away. You reminded me of heaven and that Jesus was the best caretaker there ever was. She was in the best possible hands.

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Every Mother’s Day since, you have acknowledged me as a mother, even when other people didn’t consider me to be one. You always remember her birthday and celebrate the bitter sweetness of that day, when most people have forgotten  her. I know it is difficult because it’s so close to your birthday. Thank you for that sacrifice.

When it came time for me to be a mother again, you cried when I told you the news. You were happy and scared. So was I. You encouraged me, told me that everything would be okay and called me every day to just see how I was feeling. Thank you.

When I was rushed off to have an emergency C-section, I saw the fear in your eyes. I was crying and scared,  but you held back your tears because you didn’t want me to see that you were scared too. I know now what it feels like when someone takes your baby back to have surgery. That hour in the waiting room must have like a year. Thank you for not ever leaving.

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You loved, doted on and instilled the same core values into my sweet Sophia. You watched her, free of charge, so that I could work. Having the peace of mind that she was in your care gave me great relief. I’m not sure that I could have gone back to work if I had to leave her with a stranger. Thank you for giving me peace.

Pretty girl.

Pretty girl.

When my third baby came along, a month early, I was scared. I called you from the hospital and told you that I was having another emergency C-section. You dropped everything and came straight to the hospital. Even though I was grown up, I was terrified and didn’t want to have that C-section until I saw you. Sometimes you just need your mommy, no matter what age you are. Thank you for that.

Little Amaya graced us with her presence and you loved her too. You took care of her despite her health problems. I know how scary it can be to take care of little ones in that situation. Thank you for not being afraid.

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Finally, we were surprised with our little boy. Yet, another emergency C-section seven weeks before we expected him. Again, you rushed over to the hospital and sat in the waiting room, worried. You knew C-sections never take as long as mine was. Mother’s instincts are always right. We did not know ahead of time that my uterus had ruptured, but thank God that He was protecting us. Josiah was born tiny but feisty. You came to the hospital every single day, took care of my girls and cooked our meals. You supported my family when I was still too weak to do it myself. Thank you.

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Thank you for all of the time you take out of your life to be with and love my kids. Thank you for the sacrifices you have made to help care for us when my kids were in out of the hospital. Thank you for driving back and forth to CHOC when we had scary doctor’s appointments or procedures. The kids will never forget what you have done for them. They love you to the moon and back and life wouldn’t be the same without you in it.

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Thank you for being my best friend, my confidant, my partner in crime, my supporter, my cook, and mostly, my mom.  If I am half the mother to my kids that you are to me, then I have done an amazing job.

I Love You, Mom!

Happy Mother’s Day.

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Little did I know a car was waiting for me outside.

Little did I know a car was waiting for me outside.

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5 thoughts on “A Letter to My Mom

  1. Darla you too are an amazing mom and friend. Your parents did an amazing job loving and nurturing you into the beautiful woman you are today! !!

  2. What a beautiful letter we Moms hope to one day get ourselves. ❤️❤️ You are a blessed lady to have such an amazing mom. But I know you already know that. 😊

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